Cats

Makes 1 serving
Mix in one (1) large bowl

5 heaping cups of weird hierarchy
-Cats are controlled by a weird sense of hierarchy. By definition, cats have hierarchy. Being domesticated their hierarchy gets weird. In a house of cats, the biggest and baddest cat won’t necessarily be on top. The way cats place people isn’t based on much logic. Cats are also acutely aware of where they are in a hierarchy and where others are.

Think of cat hierarchy as a ladder. There are those above you, those below you, and then you. The majority of people are below you, because let’s face it, you’re pretty cool. People above you might be there for reasons as dumb as they dress nice.

5 cups of curiosity
-Cats need to know what you’re up to. It’s not even that you have to extensively research everything; you just need to know what’s up. “What did so and so do? What?? Tell me!!” Is probably something people hear from you every day. Cats are just curious creatures. They like to know what’s going on around them.

5 cups of “I Come First” (easily purchased at your local super market)
-Let’s face it, you come first. No matter what, you’re gonna be looking out for number one over here. Cats are extremely loyal, this cannot be denied, but cats look out for themselves.

Stir together until well mixed. Add to it the following.

3 cups of loyalty
-Contrary to popular belief, cats are extremely loyal, at least loyal in a cat sort of way. You won’t see a cat helping the police hunt down criminals, but they’ve just got it jiving differently. A cat will stick by you while you’re hurting or whenever you need them. If they really love you, if you’re one of their people, they’re gonna stick like glue.

3 cups of dumb insecurities
-Cats are very insecure about the dumbest things. A cat will come off as extremely proud and sure of themselves, that’s what they want you to think. Inside though, cats are very insecure about things. They’ll parade around saying how hot they are, and then promptly ask you for reassurance. Cats need lots and lots of reassurance from their people that they’re still wanted and loved or else they may get in a funk and pull away.

3 cups of possessive/territorial
-Cats have their territory clearly marked, and lord help the person who messes with that. This is pretty cut and dry, cats are extremely territorial and get very upset when you get involved with what is theirs.

3 cups of passive aggressiveness and conflict avoidance
-Cats have their own well being first and foremost, they’re not aggressive creatures. A cat will never attack unless backed up against a wall or protecting their bzns. If you get a cat angry it’s going to store it away and passive aggressively let you know they’re pissed. They’ll also do what they can to keep from a fight breaking out. A cat doesn’t want to get hurt, and if a fight gets brought up a cat will turn tail and run.

2 cups of grudges
-Cats are champeen grudge holders. If you wrong a cat, don’t expect them to forget. Cats will mentally rack up who does what and save it away for later.

Blend together until even. Bake and frost liberally with:

3 good sized cups of pride
-Cats are full of themselves. Their ego is possibly the biggest part of them. Being embarrassed is possibly the worst thing that could happen to a cat. They need to be seen, and be looking good when that happens. Because of this cats are really picky about how they look and about how their stuff looks. There isn’t a cat soul alive who doesn’t make sure everything is perfect before they step out of the house. Clothes, hair, etc etc.

Depending on how long you bake this you’ll get different results. Here is what you can do.

Bake for an hour and a half
This result is a much more reserved cat. They prefer their company over others and recharge on their own time. Breeds that fall into this category are Russian blues, Siberian, nebelung and other breeds. Haku is a good member to ask about cats like this.

Bake for half an hour
This results in a much more out going cat. They recharge with people but also need their own time. Breeds like this are devon rex, peterbald, American curl and other breeds. Starr (me) is a good person to ask about these cats.

Bake for fifteen minutes
These are hybrid cats, wild cats that have been bred with domestic cats to create a new breed. Breeds like this are savannah cats, bengal cats, and chausies. Quinn is a good person to ask about these cats.


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Disclaimer! Up thar is the basic things that make up a cat. The biggest things that really scream cat. If you are seriously considering cats I suggest looking at breeds and doing your own research. Use this as a guideline!